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FIVE HOURS AND 15 MINUTES HAVE PASSED
EIGHT MEN ARE OUT
I am so disappointed.
I guess I lost my concentration.
UNEXPLODED BOMBS
If someone wins this competition,
I won't get my million yen back.
I only got to do one-third... Only one-quarter of what I prepared.
There were so many more things that I wanted to try.
You wouldn't believe how much more I had left to do.
My bag is totally packed with outfits and stuff today.
I still had a lot of tricks in my bag.
It feels like I didn't give it everything I could have.
This is so frustrating.
THE REVENGE OF THE ZOMBIES
Kinoshita, orange card!
Your brain starts going crazy.
They didn't laugh at the things they usually laugh at.
That space really drives you crazy.
It's pure chaos in there.
That was one million yen!
Of course, I'm sad about the million yen,
but on top of that,
I wanted to see the view in that room a few hours from now.
THE VIEW IN THAT ROOM A FEW HOURS LATER
So far in this show,
I've never guessed the winner correctly.
My prediction has never come true.
Nobody can tell what's going to happen.
That's one of the things about Documental.
HITOSHI MATSUMOTO Presents Documental
Okay.
Here we go.
-That was the wrong place to sit. -We're on!
-What the hell? -Let's do this.
It's a totally unremarkable staring contest.
That's what kids do.
I can't believe this.
Really?
Is this where we end up?
Wow. This is amazing.
It's amazing!
Wow. It's just like being there.
This really is some view.
Seriously? Is this real?
Huh?
Wow! This is amazing.
It's like he really is there in front of my eyes.
This is amazing.
Amazing.
This really is...
Ouch.
Wow. Okay, I see.
This part doesn't exist. It's not real. This is amazing.
Amazing.
It really is amazing.
Amazing.
It's like he's really here.
Did you buy that?
Yes, I did.
Do you think the next Zombie Time will have the curry rice dick thing?
That combined with the "Now and Then" guy?
That would be tough.
That room is funny.
That is funny.
-I have really light sneakers. -That looks good, Kukky.
You changed your mind?
You've changed your mind?
You're both going there?
I see.
He doesn't have an audience.
I don't know why he bothered to come out.
He'll just end up waiting around.
What is he holding?
This guy's an idiot, too.
What are you doing, Yamamoto?
He keeps dressing up, then undressing. Over and over again.
Zombie Time is coming.
It's coming!
Even if you go out like that,
there is no way that Kinoshita will laugh.
Not at this stage.
Who would laugh at that? Seriously, Yamamoto.
Just hurry up and go.
Okay?
Just do it.
Kinoshita doesn't know what to do.
Hurry up, Yamamoto.
Enough with that.
Your husband is waiting for you.
Your husband is waiting.
He's taking forever.
He really is.
Come on, Yamamoto.
Nobody will laugh at that outfit now.
Yamamoto.
Hurry up already.
All right.
No way.
That's not even close.
I missed you so much.
Me too.
Let's dance.
They're playing for an audience.
That is foul.
We've gone far enough.
You always say that.
Who are you doing this for?
We can't, Kinoshita!
I'll call them.
We mustn't, Kinoshita!
Zombie Time!
I think I need to sit down.
Can I sit here?
-Good work. -Thanks.
Good work.
So,
once again,
I've given myself the power to emit a new object.
-Will you please watch? -Okay.
Thank you.
I'd like you to watch in the arena seating area.
-Arena seats? -Way to go.
He always delivers.
Please come here.
Thank you.
I hope they can withstand this.
-Thank you. -Thank you.
White wine?
WHITE WINE
Is that the title?
-Is the title "White Wine"? -Sorry. That's irrelevant.
Sorry.
Yamamoto is in trouble.
Kinoshita might be in trouble too. What does that "White Wine" mean?
Here I go.
What is it?
That is the worst trick ever.
Thank you.
It was "Noodles with Tempura."
That really is the worst.
Excuse me.
-Is there still more? -Yes.
-Remove that "White Wine." -Oh, sorry.
Good point.
What does that "White Wine" mean?
-I'm ready for my next trick. -Okay.
We've had enough. Is this the last one?
It's my last trick.
Okay.
Here I go.
Excuse me.
It's coming out the side.
What the hell is this?
What is it?
What is that?
A paddle?
Voila!
They survived.
-How could they not laugh at that? -That was really funny.
Thank you.
Is that all?
Yes.
Okay.
Excuse me.
What an amazing effort.
I am exhausted.
That is exhausting.
How much longer will this Zombie Time go on for?
There are still a few to come, right?
Those zombies.
I'll try to settle down.
Now that Yamamoto has stepped out we have to wait until calling in a zombie.
As far as points go,
Yamamoto is in the lead, right?
What are you sucking on?
Those pills from before.
Akiyama, red card!
Here we go.
ATTACK POINTS: YAMAMOTO = 1, KINOSHITA = 0
Zombie Time.
Only 20 minutes left.
I can do this.
Just a bit more. Just a bit more.
-What's this? -It's only 20 minutes.
Is this yours?
No, that's not mine.
-It's not? -It's not mine.
Does this belong to Yamamoto?
No, that isn't mine.
Whose is it?
Oh!
No way.
Did you do this?
-Did you put this inside? -Not me.
What?
It smells like mustard.
-Mustard? -I'm not sure. Mustard...
This stinks.
-Whose is this? -I don't know. I just put my hand in.
What a mess.
So, here we go.
Zombie Time!
-We've reached the climax. -This is it.
No way.
Yes?
Hello.
I am Terence Lee.
-Oh, you were here before. -Hi.
Welcome to "Now and Then."
-That's for me. -Okay.
-There you go. -Thank you.
Thanks.
Here's your rice.
Didn't you order rice?
-I'm going to eat. -Bon appétit.
This is your hayashi rice.
It's fried rice.
There he is.
Teddy Bear.
Stop it.
You can't eat it. It's not yours.
-What's wrong, Teddy? -Don't eat it.
I'm hungry.
-Huh? -Teddy.
-Teddy, stop it. -Huh?
-What is this? -Do you want some?
-Do you want to eat? -Teddy.
I want to eat.
-Teddy. -You want to eat?
You want some, too?
I'm hot.
-Take off your sweater. -Teddy.
-That's the reason you're hot. -Stop it, Teddy.
What is this?
-Teddy, stop it. -Look how small it is.
Your sweater was that small?
You wore a sweater that tiny?
When I took this sweater off,
it was tiny.
You wore a sweater that tiny?
-Amazing, right? -Yes. It is amazing.
It shrinks this much.
This sweater.
Are you hungry? You are hungry.
Want some?
You'll have some, too?
-Then you should eat. -Okay.
-Eat up. -Go for it.
-Eat this. -Yeah.
Eat up.
-Did you want some? -Yeah.
Isn't she cute?
-She's cute, right? -What was that?
That is one disturbing sight.
-Try feeding her. -I'm good, thanks.
-Feed her, please. -No.
-That is scary. -Let Yamamoto do it.
Try feeding her.
-Feed her. -Feed her, please.
-Feed her. -Just feed her.
-Teddy won't eat unless you feed her. -She won't eat otherwise.
Please feed Teddy.
She won't feed herself.
Look. The poor girl can't do it herself.
He's the one who said he was hungry.
They'll feed you.
Hey. Hey!
You two guys. Please feed her.
Old lady, feed me.
Come on.
Gray-haired old lady, please feed me.
Sir, ma'am, please.
Sir.
Please feed me.
-I want it in my mouth. -Sir. Ma'am.
Don't touch me.
Don't touch her.
You can't touch Teddy.
You need to do it better. Do it better.
-Come on. -Sir, come here.
She can't eat on her own.
-That was scary. -Ma'am, come here.
Scary. Scary. Scary.
-Damn. -Come here.
-She already had some. -That's not enough. Come on.
-Let's go. Let's go. -Give some to Teddy.
-Come with me. -Feed Teddy.
Look at her! Look at how hungry she is.
She can't feed herself.
See?
Look at her. Look her in the eyes.
Watch out. She'll bite you.
Don't touch Teddy.
Don't touch me.
-Don't touch her. -Look at her.
I am Teddy Bear.
Don't touch me.
-Please. -Pass the fork.
Give the man the fork.
I'm all hot.
I'm so hot now.
Where are you going?
You didn't feed her.
Twirl the fork around.
That's right. Like that. But look at her!
Look or you'll stab her.
You need to look.
You have to look.
-Look at her properly. Look. -Feed her.
-Look. -Feed the bear.
Look.
-Can you see her? -See?
Open wide.
Open up.
How is Kinoshita?
That wasn't enough. She wants more.
-That wasn't enough. -It's not enough. Look.
-She needs more. -What about hayashi rice?
-Can she eat it? -She can.
-Sounds good. -What?
Sounds good.
-Feed her some hayashi rice. -Let's eat that too, Teddy.
Sir, please feed her.
-You like hayashi rice. -Feed her.
You like this.
You need to look. It's dangerous if you don't.
Come here.
He'll feed you too. You will, right?
Eat up or you'll die.
Good. Good.
There you go. She'll eat it.
That looks delicious.
It's yummy, right?
So, Ma'am.
Sir.
Ma'am. Feed her.
Look, ma'am. Look how hungry she is.
Do you see that piece stuck to her teeth?
Remove it for her. It's on her teeth.
It's stuck to her teeth.
It's stuck on her teeth.
Remove it from her teeth.
-Gray-haired old lady. -Her teeth are...
-Clean my teeth gunk. -She has gunk on her teeth.
Clean the gunk off Teddy's teeth.
-Old lady. -Please.
-Gray-haired old lady. -Please.
With my hand?
Clean Teddy's teeth gunk.
-With my hand? -With your hand.
Please, clean it.
-With my hand? -With your hand.
-You can use chopsticks. -Here.
-You can use these. -Clean her up.
There's a lot of gunk there.
I'll try from behind her.
-That's dangerous. -It's okay. She'll turn over.
Okay.
It may be hard to reach from there.
This side might be better.
It's easy now.
-Together. -Clean the gunk from her teeth.
Hurry up.
Be careful. Look properly, or you'll poke her.
Be careful. She bites.
-She likes that. -It feels good.
Doesn't that feel nice?
It's feels so good.
-These teeth too. -These teeth too.
-Gray-haired old lady, do these teeth too. -Clean that set too.
-These teeth too. -Please clean them.
-These teeth too. -Please.
-These are her real teeth. -Right.
-Lastly, please feed her this salad. -Salad?
-This salad. -It's her favorite.
Give her some salad.
She loves the salad from "Now and Then."
Chopsticks are dangerous. Use your hands.
-By hand? -That's better.
-Hurry, or she'll die. -Hurry up.
She'll die if she doesn't eat her vegetables. Hurry up.
Hold it for her.
Hold it near her mouth.
-How cute! -She's so cute.
She sure is cute.
-What's wrong? -Give me a piggyback.
What?
A piggyback.
She wants a piggyback.
-She ate too much. -She needs a piggyback.
-Give her a piggyback. -She can't walk.
-Sir, ma'am. Come over here. -We can't do it ourselves.
-Piggyback? -Piggyback.
Please give her a piggyback.
Gray-haired old lady. Give her a piggyback.
Please give her one.
-Please do it. -Just come over here.
-A piggyback? -A piggyback.
-Give her a piggyback. -Or a face-to-face bear hug.
Which would you prefer?
-Bear hug, -It's a bear hug.
A bear hug.
-She wants a bear hug. -Please.
Watch out! Hurry up!
-She can't move far by herself. -Hurry up. Please.
-Get a little closer. -Please wait.
Wait a minute.
-Come here old lady. -Teddy will get injured. She'll collapse.
Look at how weirdly her arm is bent.
-It's going to break. -It will break.
-Yes. That's better. -Hurry up.
Hold her properly.
Yes. Yes. Like that.
-Look at her face. -Look at her properly.
Look at her face.
Come on. Stand up.
When she stands up, look at her face.
Look at her face. See?
Look at her face.
Watch out for her teeth. They'll stab into you.
Be careful.
-She smells like salad. -What?
-She smells like salad. -Because she ate some.
Salad, right?
-Okay. Ma'am. -Sir.
It's your turn.
I know.
That hug feels nice. I know.
Excuse me, Ma'am?
He didn't have the right build.
Sorry.
-Look at her. -You don't have to hug.
Just take a good look, right at her face.
There, there. Good.
-Does that feel good? -Does it feel good, Teddy?
Does the old lady feel good?
-Does it feel good? -Yes, it does.
It feels good?
Look at her. This is her "it feels good" face.
Look at how she looks when she feels good.
That feels so good.
Look at her.
You're not looking.
She feels good.
-Does it feel good? -Look at her.
-Can both of you hug her? -Hug her together.
-Both of us? -That's right. Together.
When will this end?
-Let's go over there. -Does it feel good?
-It feels good. -It does? It feels good, Teddy?
Kinoshita.
Isn't this too long?
Hasn't the Teddy Bear bit gone on for too long?
Kinoshita.
Isn't this Teddy Bear bit way too long?
-Too long? -Too long?
The Teddy Bear bit?
It is long for one bit.
-Why don't we go back inside for a while? -Let's go.
Let's go back.
-We don't want to be too long. -Let's go back.
Back to "Now and Then."
That bit was too long, wasn't it?
Right?
Yeah, it was a little bit too long.
-It's all too long. -Let's go.
-All of this is too long? -All of it.
They survived.
Thank you.
Thank goodness.
I'm exhausted.
I am so exhausted.
That wasn't even a teddy bear.
That went on for so long.
Yamamoto.
You were the first one to get a yellow card, right?
Yellow and orange.
-You were the first? -I got the first yellow.
Before anyone else.
Isn't that amazing?
-There were some close calls. -There sure were.
Which came close?
That bit just now was close.
Kasuga's paddle, too.
His table tennis penis.
That's right.
-Kobayashi came close, too. -Yes?
-The way he enjoyed his massage. -Yes, that came close.
He wasn't faking it.
Kobayashi...
Here we go.
Zombie Time!
They're back already?
I need to survive this.
They stay for so long.
They're barely alive.
This is bad.
Is Yamamoto in trouble?
It's so funny, it hurts.
This hurts.
They'll suffocate.
Okay.
It's looking good.
Absolutely amazing.
Wow!
This is amazing.
That is the end!
That was amazing!
Wow.
-I am exhausted. -That was exhausting.
I'm spent.
-In the end, two participants survived. -I'm so tired.
Yes.
Both Yamamoto and Kinoshita survived.
-We turn to the points. -Oh, that's right.
The one with the most attack points wins, which means...
Yes?
-The winner is... -Yes.
Yamamoto!
-Me? -That's right.
That's right!
It was the bit that Yamamoto did with the pills that scored a point.
-The pills. -That's what it came down to.
-Really? -Yes.
Damn.
It's not coming back.
-For real? -He got us.
The first person to get a card was actually Yamamoto.
-Yes. -It was Yamamoto.
But in the end, it was Yamamoto who won.
On points.
-Good for you! -That was amazing.
He defeated us.
Can I really take this?
Wow!
-Wow! -That's amazing!
That finale truly was amazing.
How could you survive that?
Simply because I wanted it. I really wanted that 10 million yen.
I only had to hold out a little bit longer.
-Kasuga's last "Toos" nearly got me. -That was really dangerous.
-Hats off to you for coming up with that. -Yeah...
-You are amazing. -But it wasn't enough.
-In conclusion... -It can't be helped.
Documental Season 3 comes to an end with Yamamoto as the champion!
Congratulations.
Great job!
I'm sorry. I don't know why, but I'm just sorry.
I'm sorry.
-Thank you. -Thank you.
Thank you.
I was really close, but of course,
I needed to score more points along the way.
It's extremely exhausting.
Holding back laughter is exhausting.
If it was for 100,000 yen, I would have laughed in no time.
Thank you.
Really, thank you.
To everyone involved in this,
let me buy you a drink.
What about your partner Kato?
You're right, Kato. Well, to be honest...
If Kato was here,
he would tell me to pay for that jet he chartered on Mecha-Ike.
He really did pay four million yen for that himself.
Maybe I'll give him two million...
Maybe not.
He earns two million in just a few episodes of Sukkiri!!
Can't we keep this a secret?
Just until he sees this himself.
He'll say, "You got that much money?" Just until then, please.
Is this really okay, Mr. Soundman?
Mr. Cameraman, really?
Well, this season played out completely differently again.
-Did you want some? -Yeah.
As for Zombie Time, I think we can say
it was right on the money.
I think it went extremely well.
It offered a different perspective on this competition.
It made the humor more three-dimensional.
Wait.
I'm going to blow.
Is that okay?
And Kinoshita...
He tried so hard not to laugh, he ended up dripping with sweat.
I'd never seen that before.
It turns out that holding back laughter can make you sweat.
That was a bit of a surprise.
And Akiyama and Kobayashi.
Those zombies. They were just...
That was impossible.
If I had been in that room,
I would have spent two or three months' worth of laughter right then and there.