What are you wearing? When?
Tonight. It's Gough and Jessie's golden wedding anniversary.
I'll wear my suit.
Good grief. You and that suit have been married longer than them!
At least it fits.
But who?!
I don't know why we're going.
Just to watch Gough and Jessie holding hands.
I don't think I can stand hours of Gough and Jessie holding hands.
They're a devoted married couple, just like childhood sweethearts.
It's not natural. I'll wear my blazer. Oh, no you won't!
Don't you DARE wear that blazer.
You'll look like a zebra crossing!
It's flying in the face of nature...
..holding hands.
Well, it's no good.
It comes out so rarely, I forget how bad it looked last time!
I expected it to look better.
It looked OK on the hanger. Why not? It spends most of its life on the hanger!
Can't we just go casual? What have you got that's casual?
Your idea of casual is greasy overalls!
Mam? Will you have a look at Barry?
Do you think his suit's too small?
It's too small! I told you!
It's only too small in places.
In all the places it shouldn't be!
Look, it's too small.
Have you put on weight? You're like him. Married life suits you.
They'll have to get new suits.
To Gough and Jessie.
Fifty years!
You never see them apart.
I bet he's lost the use of all his male facultitties!
I bet he's tidy about the house.
I think it's a triumph that marriages can still work.
Loads of them still work.
Usually with a bit of grit in them!
I'm not going if they hold hands.
Of course you're going! HE is, too, once he's found something to wear.
Don't worry about me. Nora Batty will be there and so will I!
With a slight touch of the Randolph Scott's. Very natty.
Natty? I've never seen you get past tatty!
I'm awfully sorry.
ELI!
Hello, boys! Hello, Eli.
GLASS SMASHES
You must admit, they're a devoted couple.
He thinks the world of her. Never forgets her birthday.
She picked a gem, there.
He's a one-off. He brings her flowers.
And chocolates. If mine did that, I'd know he was up to something.
I know what you mean.
For years I thought, "Gough MUST be up to something." Just shows how wrong you can be!
Fifty years, and they still hold hands in the street.
I'm not sure I approve of holding hands in the street.
It seems a bit excessive.
Too continental for my taste.
No problem. I have suits I never wear. You've no idea what a relief that is. No problem!
Don't worry, Eli, I'll take care of it. Nora Batty will be there.
She doesn't encourage wear and tear!
The best description of Nora Batty I've ever heard!
He needs something respectable, in navy blue.
I've got a blue suit.
Ah!
Yes! He's about my size!
Yes, but is this one your size?
Another one?! How many suits do you need?!
Come in Howard, why don't you?!
I didn't want Pearl to see me.
It's becoming a habit. I'm a neighbour, not a girlfriend. She's allowed to see you with me.
She always thinks I'm up to something. You always are. I know.
You see how awkward it is.
Can you do me a little favour?
No, Howard, I'm not getting involved. Forget it.
You're going to Gough and Jessie's golden wedding. Yes.
Can you just hand this note to Marina?
Oh, no! Not Marina! She scares me!
What do you mean? Pearl's the scary one.
I understand HER scaring you. They both scare me.
It's just a little note.
Just sidle up to her and sneak it into her hand.
That sounds tricky for a start.
Howard?
WHAT are you up to?
See what I mean?
I've just been chatting with Norman.
You sneaked off very quietly. When I turned round, you'd gone!
But I like a chat with old Cleggy.
And what were you talking ABOUT?
Football. Philosophy.
Football AND philosophy.
Good day to you, dear lady. Is he ready? Is WHO ready?
Your neighbour, the ferret fancier?
How do I know whether he's ready? What kind of question is that? Let's come back later.
I think that would be a good idea.
It's no business of mine to know whether he's ready or not.
Nor do I care, so stop spreading rumours.
I just wondered... Stop wondering!
You've no business to wonder. It's a wonder a person has any reputation left, with you lot around.
I think he's ready. You never know with him.
Don't look till you're SURE he's ready. I'm ready, I'm ready!
Ye gods!
What's wrong with it? It's a good fit. I'll KILL Eli.
Whatever has he got on? I don't know, but it wants turning down!
INAUDIBLE CHATTER
By 'eck, that's a racy model! Don't thee start.
^ Oh, can't you put him where he's not in people's eyes?
^ It's not like you, Seymour.
^ No-one looks their best in a suit.
Not in a suit like that!
If we pray for rain, it may get dark early.
There's nothing wrong with it! Eli thought that when he bought it and look what it did to his eyes!
There they go, look. Holding hands.
How does she do it? He must be very well trained.
He's very docile.
I think you have to keep them away from male companions.
You can do anything with them by keeping them away from men.
Come on, let's have a kiss.
APPLAUSE
You get used to life's painful surprises then along comes a golden wedding.
Don't be so miserable!
She keeps backing away from my suit.
I can understand that. She's probably terrified of radiation!
Will you sit still! You're probably interfering with every telly in the area!
Don't forget the note, Cleggy.
If that electric blue arm reaches for another bun, I'll cut it off!
Where have you been? I had to get Barry a new suit. I was saving up for a hi-fi.
It's very nice. Quite executive.
It's not like a hi-fi, though!
We hope your next 50 years will pass as happily.
May I ask you all to drink a toast to Gough and Jessie.
ALL: To Gough and Jessie.
Gough and Jessie!
HE BELCHES
Good grief! It amazes me how musical the local peasantry are!
The food weren't bad but what's this stuff? Sherry. Sherry?
I could murder a pint. Of sherry? You must be joking!
I wouldn't varnish my ferret with that!
If he holds her hand one more time, I shall grind my teeth.
Old Goughy is a bit domesticated.
He should have a ribbon round his neck.
I'll never make it to suppertime in this collar. YOU feel trapped?
How do you think Gough feels?
Aye, it's pitiful. They keep having these collections for Africa
but there are terrible cases at home!
I wonder if he's ever had a row!
Imagine going through married life without a row!
He SEEMS contented enough.
I know. You'd think he'd had surgery!
You look very smart, Barry. I WAS saving up for some hi-fi.
You want one like this. It's like hi-fi!
Have you passed my note yet, Cleggy?
Not yet, Howard. You're not trying!
I'LL pass it over. NO!
You're too conspicuous!
He calls her "Precious"!
Never!
He does, he calls her "Precious".
I heard him say it.
Did he know you were listening?
I don't think he cared!
What's wrong, if he calls her that?
It's not in good taste.
I mean, they're not French or anything!
Not in public, love.
People can have marital secrets in private. Within limits!
Tight limits!
I think it's nice if he calls her "Precious."
I hope Barry does on our golden wedding. Not in our house!
You weren't brought up for that.
I blame watching videos.
That's how they pick things up.
Have you got a video? No, I haven't!
I hope no-one ever thinks I have.
I must say, it gave me a turn hearing someone his age
calling someone her age, "Precious"!
^ All this excitement has gone to his head.
^ He had two trifles.
Well, there you are, then.
He's the wrong age for two trifles.
We ought to do something for him.
For whom? WHOM do you think he means? For Gough, that's WHOM!
Be more precise. What kind of thing do you think we should do for him?
I don't believe in impromptu collections.
Relax. No-one's asking for money.
^ All mine went on my suit.
Well, then, what kind of thing?
Anything. Give him a break. From what?
From 50 years of excessive marriage. Does he need a break?
After 50 years? Of course he does!
I really fancied a new hi-fi.
All we need to do is sneak him out and take him for a jar.
I wouldn't mind a jar.
If I can get anything past this damn non-drinker's collar. Do you think he'd come?
The least we can do is try.
Common humanity says that we have to try.
You could try to pass my note.
Tha can tell her which pub we're in, then tha can pass it tha'self.
I want no horse-play if she's there. One with a graphic equaliser.
^ It was all done very nicely.
I hope they turn up on Sunday. Some cake?
Yes, please.
Mrs Edwardson. Some cake?
There you go. Get that down thee.
What is it? He don't even recognise it.
Maybe his mind's going. It's not going. I can remember every episode of Eastenders.
It's going!
I'm going to have to undo my collar.
What do you normally drink, Goughy?
Tea.
Fifty years on tea!
You should be on file at Amnesty International!
And the occasional mineral water.
Well, Goughy, you've fallen into good hands. Think of this as a holiday.
But don't start banking on it, EVERY 50 years!
Where is he? Where's who?
The guest of honour. We've lost Gough.
Have you seen Howard? Are they all missing?
^ They ARE. They're ALL missing.
I'll go and find them.
It's not something I like doing -
chasing after men -
but since it's an emergency...
Are you letting her look for your Howard?
It's like sending Dracula to look for a throat!
Oh, let her go! If anyone can flush him out, she can!
She's like a bloodhound.
Especially from the front!
Oh, Goughy, that went down well!
Ha! Tha's getting the hang of it!
He's a natural. I SAID it was a good idea. Tha just didn't want a collection!
I don't like the sensation but once it's down, it's OK!
I feel exactly that way about woollen underwear!
Uh-oh!
I bet SHE doesn't wear woolly underwear!
Marina!
Hello, Howard.
And Norman Clegg.
Tell her I'm a carrier. Tell her I give people barber's rash.
There's nothing to be afraid of.
How can you lie? She terrifies sailors.
Imagine!
All you men, and just little me.
Who's all this, then?
Down, Goughy!
Tha's not ready for two new experiences in one day.
Here you are, Goughy. Get this down you.
They've gone for a drink.
Mine had a collar problem. I had to let him go.
You know they've only got a limited concentration span.
But does Jessie know Gough's gone too?
That's the end of civilisation as she knows it!
^ SOMEONE will have to tell her.
^ We can't. Not on her golden wedding anniversary.
Don't bother!
Someone's telling her now.
I think that's best. Let a relative do it!
They'll be all right. My Gough won't come to any harm!
That's what I like. Confidence.
I think he's enjoyed it!
Oh yes, Gough's enjoyed it. I think he's still enjoying it!
I know it's his anniversary but there are limits.
I can't spend all day supporting various gentlemen.
I have a crowded schedule, anyway.
Howard, you've brought an old man happiness.
Why can't he bring his own?
Have you ever been led astray?
I once bought a clapped-out Hillman.
Well, we haven't been long and we've got Gough back in time.
Aye. But where is he?
He's right behind.
We've lost a Gough. He shouldn't loiter on his anniversary.
Legless!
They're going all over the place.
You wouldn't think they've been together for 50 years!
If Jessie tries to hold him now, he'll slip through her fingers! We must sober him up.
We can't return a Gough like this!
Great idea, Seymour(!) Take Goughy for a walk to sober him up.
You can soon get fed up of carrying people on their golden wedding.
He seems to have lost every bone in his legs.
Why is he smiling in his sleep?
We're the silly beggars doing all the carrying! Why shouldn't he be smiling?
To give him credit, it's a perfect disguise for a teetotaller!
He'll have to sleep it off. We need somewhere quiet and safe.
Is this accommodation suitable?
He'll be OK while we have a drink. Cover him up.
What a place for his wedding night!
It's not my round. I want it clearly understood, it's not my round.
You're so reckless with your money, Seymour(!)
All those years of non-drinking, and you finish up on a rubbish tip!
You need moderation in everything.
Especially non-drinking!
We'd have some explaining to do if the lorry came now and took Gough away with the rubbish!
LORRY MANOEUVRING OUTSIDE
STOP! STOP!
^ I'm sure he'll be at home putting the kettle on!
GOUGH SINGS DRUNKENLY
# Though she's a factory girl Wearing her factory clothes,
# I'm the sort of fellow FOR... ..the little Yorkshire rose. #
When Jessie gets her Gough back, she'll soon reach out her hand.
For his throat!
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd