Now, that's what I call an interesting omelette.
You learnt this in the police?
Under cover from a Madame Fifi.
Oh, so this is a foreign recipe?
Oh, she was more foreign than that.
Hey, listen! SIRENS WAIL
They're playing your song.
You're just in time.
That's what we do best.
Two bacon butties...piping hot.
Mmm, lovely.
Excuse me.
Fella told me to give you this.
"Hello, Mother!"
How much did he pay you?
50p. Is there any reply?
Yes. Tell him I promised he'd give you £2.
He's gone quiet.
Suits him. Should do it more often.
He's not been the same since he had to give that kid £2.
It was Mother's wish.
I don't think she wished you to ask the kid for your 50p back.
Be quiet. I'm getting some memories back.
Oh, you mean you're making up a story.
I'm not making these things up. They're memories.
Confusing, mysterious, returning snatches of memory.
Not only twitches, but has snatches.
I got this twitch in the service of my country.
Yeah, well, never mind the twitch...what's the snatch?
Let us hear it, now you've dreamed it up.
Budapest. I met her in Budapest. There was a house with a door...
Oh, that's unusual.
It is down Hackett Street.
A door with an Art Nouveau design.
There was blood on it.
Sounds like Hackett Street.
It was mine.
The door? You met her in Budapest and she gave you a door?
The blood was mine.
She does the best bacon butty this side of heaven.
Well, Blackpool, anyway.
Didn't this door use to have a mirror?
Course it has a mirror.
Not any more. Some lowlife's nicked your mirror.
How come it's my mirror? You're the driver.
It's at your side. I look after my mirror.
He's gone again. Budapest.
Probably. She nursed me back to health.
You're always fussing about your ailments. You call that health?
All right, she nursed me back to reasonable health.
It was a bad chest mainly.
HE COUGHS
The kidneys are a lot better. I haven't had the spots for ages.
So who was she? I can't remember her name.
All I know is she nursed me at great personal risk.
They'd have shot her if they'd caught her.
I'd have shot her if she'd left me with a bad chest.
That wasn't her fault. I had that before I went.
You went to Budapest with a bad chest?
I lied about my health.
If I'd told Q, he'd have pulled me off operations and given me a desk job.
Hi, Morton!
Did you have to shout to him?
You know how sensitive he is to being ignored.
What was it...sniper?
Don't move him until I've checked his spine.
Where'd you come from? The alley. Can you hear me, Morton?
There might be concussion. Can you tell me your name?
Herman Teasdale. No, dammit, it's not! I'm Morton Beamish.
They've got me doing it now.
Are you hurt, Morton? Hurt! I'm mortified.
Fancy forgetting your own name.
You've only just changed it. Well, that's no excuse.
I'm a wimp.
I hope you're not lying on those suits from the cleaners, Morton.
No, I saved them, Toby. I took the fall.
Good man.
Down. Down!
What is it?
I thought I saw a curtain twitch five doors down.
Could have been a rifle behind it.
What were you doing in the alley, Mr Hobdyke?
Taking advantage of available cover.
Comes as second nature to me.
I see Toby's not back with his wife yet.
No, and it's time he was, before he works Morton to death.
Leave it with me. I'll think of something.
Bird watching, Howard? It's a harmless interest.
Not way you do it.
Howard...just my man.
I must warn you, I won't do anything illegal.
I like that in a person, don't you?
As if we would ask! No...this is an intelligence-gathering operation.
For intelligence you choose Howard?
Howard is perfectly placed for this mission.
I'm as intelligent as the next man.
Even Pearl admits I've got a brain.
Just wonders where you left it.
Enough, team! Stop teasing.
Now...Howard first question -
is my mother over at your place?
Nelly says she's not your mother.
She's in denial.
We've got to help her. We? We've got to jog her memory - correction.
You've got to jog her memory.
When she's in there with Pearl,
I want you to start them reminiscing.
See what you can learn about Mother's past.
In particular, any mention of my father.
I'm sorry, I've got an appointment.
Guess who. I deny that.
I would too.
You do this little favour for me,
and I could offer you in return the use of my van.
Your van?
For your appointment.
No need for hiding in the bushes, Howard.
I don't know what he's talking about.
I never imagined I'd be reduced to driving an automotive slum.
She's not a bad little runner. That's the wife.
This thing is the appalling cost of divorce... the separation of the loved one.
That conniving witch got my Jaguar.
Mine took everything.
Never mind...we have each other.
Are you under the impression that you're offering me comfort?
I think it's nice how well we get on.
You're sick, Morton.
I've enough trouble denying ownership of the car.
She's good mechanically and appearances aren't everything.
Where'd you get these ideas? Of course they're everything.
Stick with me, Morton, you'll benefit from my experience.
Actually, I'd rather have that £50 you borrowed.
It's been on my mind night and day.
As I see it is on yours.
Been working on your problem, Toby.
Which one?
How to get you back to your wife.
She's putting up some resistance at the moment.
I phoned her this morning.
Gave her both barrels of the famous charm.
All I got was abuse.
He can be charming. He gets me every time.
Oh, do be quiet, Morton.
You'll have to excuse him, he hero worships me.
I don't. You do. You told Mrs Arnold.
She'd no right to say anything.
Staff problems now!
You're on your own with that but wives I can help with.
Now, she won't meet you by arrangement,
therefore, it has to seem accidental.
Leave it with me. I'll be in touch.
Wagons roll!
THUD!
Slowly.
What? We're looking for a car door mirror.
Have you had one offered for sale?
No. Who's lost one?
Oh, I see!
The Mystery of the Car Door Mirror.
No, we haven't been offered one, but never mind, I'm on the case.
I shall be your eyes and ears.
We'll have to get one back on before we hand the car in.
They haven't forgiven us for the last one.
We're going to have to buy one. They won't have one here.
I heard that. Of course we've got one. What is it?
It's a car door mirror. Ah! Car door mirror.
Near side.
Oh, can't do that. I knew they wouldn't have one.
You'll have to buy the pair.
She's got us over a barrel.
It's better than going back with only one mirror.
Can you fit them?
Can you leave the car for half an hour?
Half an hour.
Out there without the car?
It's an emergency. I wouldn't ask otherwise.
You feel so snug in the car.
We could patrol on foot for a few minutes. Where?
Somewhere quiet.
There must be somewhere quiet.
One rose? When Nelly arrives you're going to give her one tatty rose?
It's not tatty. Every time you twitch it loses another petal.
Tell her rest of bunch in accident. Got run over.
Who's going to run over a bunch of roses? Freak accident.
With what? OK. Not run over.
Caught in automatic door. That's better.
Everything that needs to be said may be said by one single rose.
Here she comes. Right? OK?
May this rose mark the wonder of our discovering each other...er...
This area looks quiet. It looks quiet now,
but the minute they see us, they'll start coming out of the woodwork with all kinds of complaints.
We tell them we don't do complaints. We're doing reassuring presence.
But they take advantage of you.
They can't just say good morning,
they start asking for directions or reporting criminal offences.
You smile...presenting an air of calm confidence.
You tell them we've got it covered.
We know all about it. Excuse me.
You know what's still going on at number 28, I suppose?
There's not much happens on this patch that we don't hear about.
All hours of the night. It's in hand. We're onto it.
She's got karaoke now.
Leave it to us.
Karaoke?
It was 21 a yard.
21 a yard? Hm...
What are you lurking about for?
I wouldn't call it a lurk. I live here.
Well, go live in the kitchen. Put the kettle on.
He's listening in again. They'll have put him up to it.
They're trying to find out more about you.
What you were up to when you were young.
Right, then. Let's give them something to talk about.
You thought he was Mr Wonderful?
Well, when you're young and daft you do.
You do.
You do all sorts of things you might regret later.
Where are you going now? That's three times you've wandered through.
Well, I'm sorry, I'm sure.
So, what was he like, this Mr Wonderful?
It was the '60s.
He had a guitar and a flower in his hair.
Oh, lovely hair - down to his shoulders.
Yes, I had one like that.
You've got Howard spying for you?
A little intelligence gathering.
He needs all he can gather.
What are you planning to do with this information if Howard gets any?
Information is the key to most problems.
Howard's not the key to most problems.
This time he has incentive.
Use of Hobbo's van.
You're bribing him now. That doesn't sound like me.
You fired him up with this vision of a boudoir on wheels.
As if I would!
My thoughts were...if a man needs transport for his insect studies...
What?
One car door mirror as promised. That's great.
We love it. Save all sorts of unpleasant enquiries by the inspector.
Who's inclined to be unreasonable.
Well? Shh.
What did you learn? They say that Toby's wife is missing him so much
she can be heard singing all day
and she gets her hair done twice a week.
Right! Hang on!
Barry. Ace Hobdyke.
Now my spies tell me that Toby's ex-wife is often at the hairdressers.
Might be an ideal spot for him to bump into her as we said we'd arrange.
Can I leave it with you? Cos I have a debriefing to attend to.
Good man. Take the usual precautions in case this transmission is being monitored. Bye!
Said I'd help him. You see what teamwork can do.
Help who? Toby.
I've made it my business to get those two lovebirds together.
I don't think she's all that keen on having Toby back.
That's all a bluff. It's all a facade.
She'll be broken-hearted. Trust me.
Now, what did you learn about Mother?
Well, it wasn't easy.
They're a suspicious pair.
But what I did learn...
Not here. I'm too much of a target.
I've been out here too long. What kind of target?
You don't want to know. The less you know about me, the safer you'll be.
Thinks he's a target...maybe we should give him some evidence.
We could see flash of sunlight on telescopic sight.
Mysterious stranger asking for Hobdyke.
You'll no doubt be hearing about my affair with hippy ladies.
Just remember it's an invented hippy.
D'you think they swallowed it? Howard did.
Mind you, his critical faculties aren't all that sharp.
It's believable. It was the '60s.
Anything could happen in the '60s. And often did.
I remember the '60s.
Everything went daft and it's been getting worse ever since.
I remember the '60s. I got a new oven.
Is that it?
Is that all the '60s meant to you?
It was a good oven.
You weren't touched by flower power then?
Only self-raising.
The '60s have gone but we're all still cleaning...
doing the washing, making ends meet.
Yeah, the real things don't change.
You never thought of taking up guitar lessons then?
What about beads? Did you wear a lot of beads?
Well, I always wore too much bling.
I mean, it was compulsory for pub landladies.
So, Ivy never went wild then?
Yes, I did. I told you.
I bought a new oven.
It's not easy eavesdropping on those two.
Well, go on, go on. What did you learn?
I had to be extremely crafty and make it look like I wasn't at all interested in what they were saying.
Well, go on. What were they saying?
I think I pulled it off.
I think they hardly realised I was there.
Stop with the commercials, Howard.
Get to the meat.
They were talking about the '60s.
Flower Power. Sick.
Summer of Love. I'm with Truly.
Go on.
And Nelly was in love with this very handsome...
Dad!
That could be dad.
Handsome. Sounds like dad.
A hippy.
Long hair. The full gear.
A hippy.
You want to look like your father?
Now isn't that going to be tricky, since you've never known your father?
Not all that sure about his mother. Yes, I am. I'm practically certain.
You'll see, when she sees me looking like father.
So how do you know what he looks like?
If I have to guess that'll be extra.
I have a description. From Mother's own lips.
A midget with a big nose. Must have had a nice personality.
He was tall, handsome...
Dippy.
Hippy. Sorry.
Ah, hippy! You're in luck then.
We have an extensive hippy section.
Since when?
I don't tell you everything.
Right, now. We'll start with the accessories.
You'll need a guitar. I don't need a guitar.
Oh, well, if you're cutting corners already.
I might have known. Hippy on a budget.
This must be one of the world's major areas for being careful with money.
You should know.
Moustache?
No, I can't be certain he had a moustache.
I can see him wearing lots of pagan jewellery.
Big earrings.
I don't want earrings. What kind of hippy doesn't have earrings?
Oh, all right, but only something I can wear for everyday when this is over.
Hitman wears earrings.
Not in close combat. I bet that's a relief for the enemy.
I'm getting the picture now.
I can see you carrying a briefcase.
Why would you see a hippy carrying a briefcase?
Because she's got a briefcase she can't get rid of.
Not to mention certain staff.
I think I might need more hair.
Oh, there's no might about it. You do need more hair.
And we can really go to town on it, since it won't be getting fast in your guitar.
She'll never forgive you. You should have taken the guitar.
I only need enough to startle Mother.
Looks startled to me every time she sees you.
She'll think it's dear old Dad.
And then the shock will bring back all those memories she's repressing.
You'll need a few tattoos.
I won't need any tattoos.
Do you think Mother would be involved with tattoos?
Your wife's inside.
Can you believe this?
Here I am stricken and distraught at the loss of this woman.
I bleed emotionally.
She gets her hair done!
She's probably trying to keep her spirits up. I can understand that.
In times of crisis, I grow a moustache. It never works.
You can't see it unless you touch it up with a pencil.
Are you finished, or do we have more drivel to listen to?
Finished.
Don't get in a bad mood, Toby.
You've got to be looking cheerful when she comes out.
Oh, I can do that if some idiot stops growing his moustache.
Finished.
You can do it, Toby.
And I can do it now.
I'm not waiting out here.
I'll romance her in front of the others.
I'll have witnesses of my devotion to her.
This is a genuine police car door mirror.
We had to fit them a new pair. They got one nicked.
Make a right flash would that.
Catching the sunlight, Hobbo would think sniper.
Big dive for cover.
Can we borrow it? To make him think it's a sniper? That's wicked.
Of course you can borrow it.
You have to admire Toby's nerve.
Well, you wouldn't walk into a place full of women and start telling me how much you cared for me.
Glenda, let's not make it into a test.
I wonder what his wife will say.
When I told mine that I loved her, she said,
"Thank you, Morton, and goodbye."
Actually she said "Goodbye, Herman."
You hadn't started being Morton then.
That's true. Why did you change your name, Morton?
I wanted to change the old me.
I wanted to be a whole new me, bursting with masculine confidence.
How long were you planning to wait?
Well, I thought I'd give it a couple of years, you know, until the new name really begins to work.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Look, I'm very sorry, madam.
I thought it was my wife under that lid you're wearing.
You all look the same with your feathers wet.
Anyway you should to be grateful that somebody was trying to make love to you, even by mistake.
D'you see that? They're out there.
I told you they were.
People thought I was barmy... imagining snipers.
All that stuff I'm remembering, they thought it was rubbish.
All right, where's Alvin?
Don't think I fell for it.
Not for one minute!
Don't think I can't tell the difference between this and a telescopic sight.
Can you see what I see?
Some hippy toe-rag waving our mirror.
Who do I remind you of?
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd