Are you up? Are you dressed?
Are you interested? Stop fooling about. I want to talk to you.
All right. You talk to me, then we'll start fooling about.
It's no good. I knew you'd not make any sense.
I want a favour. What are you doin' this morning? The usual.
Nothing. That's good.
Get yourself dressed. There's somethin' I want to show you in me bedroom.
It can't be Christmas already! Ho-ohhh!
What do you think, Cleggy? Do you think I could become an expert at disguise?
No good asking me, Howard. Anybody could fool me. I thought Sooty was real.
How about this one? Would you know it was me?
Know it was who? You wouldn't know it was me?
It's Fu Manchu. I'm living next door...
to Fu Manchu.
I think I could fool most people like this.
Good morning, Howard.
Well, are you coming? ARE YOU COMING? I'm coming!
I'm coming!
What the dickens have you done to your hair? Fred Astaire used to wear his hair like this.
What d'you think, Ginger? # There may be trouble ahead... # Get off!
What's that smell? That's me dynamite. Me aftershave. But you haven't shaved! I know.
I just thought I'd use a bit of aftershave. What're you dressed up for? Me?
I always dress up for special occasions. What's special about today?
You'll find out. Ooooh! Come inside.
Give me your honest opinion about this one.
It's a lady. It's a really weird-looking lady.
You'll get arrested for impersonating ladies. I'm not a lady. I'm a hippy!
I think I liked you better as a lady.
I think it alters me whole personality.
This disguise is impenetrable.
You're not taking any strong medication for anything, Howard? No.
Maybe you should start.
Why do you need a disguise, Howard?
Well, you never know when it might come in handy. Like any moment now, Howard.
Can I have a word with you, Howard?
Indoors. Before someone whisks you away to some high-walled institution.
How did she know it was me?
How long has Howard been an imbecile? For years.
Oh, speaking of imbeciles...!
Looks like a touch of depression this morning.
Look at his hair. Somebody's run over his head. Me head's not been run over.
Then a very good day to you, little smarmy person. Bog off!
Fluent in Russian, but the strain has made his hair grow flat. Knockers! It's the funny alphabet.
Didn't do too well at learning his own.
All she wanted was somebody to shift some furniture. Aw...
An' it wasn't even in HER bedroom. Some old mangle she wanted shifted.
An' did I know anybody who'd do it?
No, you don't! That would look well in the Times Educational Supplement.
"Former headmaster seen shifting mangles."
Where does she want it moving to? Miles away. Sammy Peters' place.
It's not exactly next door. Why does anybody need a mangle? Sammy Peters collects anythin'.
Yes. You've only got to look at Mrs Peters.
I hope you didn't say we'd help. I'm not your mangle-moving type.
Ohh!
You did, didn't you? You told her we'd help.
I can't help it. I go to pieces when I gaze into them deep, brown wrinkles. Oooh.
Well, good luck then.
Alright, so I parted me hair for nowt. There'll be another day.
Especially when she finds out she has a useful neighbour. Who knows where that might lead?
To Sammy Peters' place, perhaps.
No wonder Nora had to turn to you for assistance.
Nobody else is stupid enough to take the job on.
There you are, you see. You're special! Who else would she turn to, eh?
I can't let her down, Norm.
I thought she had more sense. Fancy relying on you lot.
Don't include me in this. You're not my idea of a competent mangle-moving squad.
Movers!
You couldn't move a vote of thanks.
Well, I, for one, am not getting involved. You can't resist getting involved.
We shall see.
Tilt it this way. This way! I've got a natural tilt this way.
Mind me paint! Are you sure you can manage?
Just leave it to me, love. You've got the right bloke here.
Is it part of the plan that it should be crushing me finger?
Aaaggh!
Ohhh! Aaagh!
Stop it! I can't bear it! I can't bear to see grown men making such a bog-hole of a job.
Put it down. You've got your hands above the pivotal point. Hands down here.
That's it. Welcome aboard, Seymour.
I thought you didn't want to get involved? Shut up and lift. Mind me paint! Never fear, madam!
GRUNTING AND GROANING
No, no, no. You're not shaping at your end.
After this, I hate to think what shape I'll be at my end.
I'm doin' it for Nora Batty.
I hope I retain all me faculties.
It was me mother's mangle. I feel a bit guilty about parting with it. We're not putting it back!
Let's get some co-ordination in this. We're not getting anywhere.
Wait! Hold it! Oh!
My tie! My tie! Ohh...!
Aaaggh! Aaaggghhh!
Oh, he's goin' a funny colour.
I think he's clashing with her paintwork.
Ohhhhhh!
Why is he making noises like that?
Did you catch what Seymour said? Nah. He's always rabbiting.
Ohhh! I haven't been followed, Howard.
I've been particularly careful.
I must say you've got lovely hands, Howard, for a former employee of the power industry.
Aagh! Who are you, you cheeky old goat? How dare you?
Nice thing being grabbed in broad daylight in a public place!
It's me, love. It's me.
Ohh.
Did you have to do it that way? That weren't much of a tie anyroads. It's not now.
For you, my sweet, my flower. Oh!
Leave it to Seymour.
How are you goin' to get it to Sammy Peters without a vehicle?
Never fear. I am not just somebody with his tie in a mangle.
Come in, Barry. It's his day off.
I COULD stay in the car.
I'd rather stay in the car. He would.
But you won't. You'll sit down and take an intelligent interest in people's conversation.
Nobody's going to eat you, Barry.
And I daren't let him near me dad. He gets him covered in oil. Sit down, Barry.
If I don't bring him, he just sits around reading books.
What kind of books?
Not THAT kind. Any kind of books. Particularly educational.
Home Improvements, Principles of Accountancy...
..Those kind of books.
He doesn't wear a blonde wig and dark glasses.
Marina?
Marina be bothered. It's Howard.
Howard?! Yes.
Not in front of Barry.
How many sugars, Barry? One or two, Barry?
Barry...! It's no good. He wants two sugars.
I felt I had to tell someone. Oh, you did right, love.
Tell us everything.
You're sure Barry's not listening?
He never listens. They never listen. That's one good thing.
There's your coffee, Barry.
On the table in front of you.
He reminds me of your father when he comes home. Must be biological.
Their ears automatically close when they get indoors. Here...
About Howard... Are you leading me to understand that your Howard is wearing...
Are you sure your Barry isn't listening? With his head in a book?
The house is on fire, Barry.
If I were you, I should move. The house is on fire, Barry.
Right, a blonde wig and...
Can Barry come and... Out!
I just want him to give me... OUT!
Alright, I can take a hint.
A lady's blonde wig... MY blonde wig. And lady's glasses?
How can you tell the sex of glasses?
That'll be enough questions on that line, thank you, our Glenda.
Look, you pop down to the shop for a packet of delicious rich tea biscuits.
Mother, I just bought some.
You're getting very cunning, young lady. Mother!
Where was he wearing this blonde wig? On his head.
If it'd been on his feet I wouldn't have minded. Why would he wear it on his feet?
Why would he wear it on his head?
Did you feel his forehead? Is he running a temperature?
When you see him in that wig, the last thing you feel like doing is stroking his forehead.
Was he...fond of playing with... DOLLS when he was a child?
I think that's an urge he's developed since he's grown up.
Well, I will say this much about my Wesley...
He is inclined to leave marks on the furniture, but he has NEVER worn anything funny on his head.
No...
Who was wearing a blonde wig?
Will you wait in the car, Barry? ALL: Yes, wait in the car, Barry.
Was I right, or was I right?
It goes beautifully on these old go-cart wheels.
A further improvement would be a length of rope. Tha doesn't have to hang theeself.
Go and find some rope, then one of you can pull, and one can push.
Sounds like a buffet supper.
Ah-hah!
Are you sure she won't mind? It's for her damn mangle.
If anybody sees this, I'm not with uou.
This is not suitable employment for a person with numerous credit cards.
I am a passer-by, a neutral observer. A big gob!
Some of us were born to push mangles. And some of us have mangles thrust upon us.
A short cut! You great Jessie. We gotta be up there!
It'll take hours to get back up there. Leave it to Seymour.
I've had it. This is more demanding than a second marriage.
We don't have to lug it all the way back. We have the rope.
We'll hoist it.
All we need is a simple lasso.
Can't all be going to jump. No. They're three old loonies I keep seein' swanning about.
Ah! That'll do.
Let go!
Good day, officers. Careful you don't fall.
Goodness, no. Just showing my chaps here the rudiments of landscape familiarisation.
The teaching habit dies hard. If you fall off, YOU'LL die hard. Be careful.
Let's get on with it. Quick!
Local knowledge, you see. We walked up to investigate, I spotted who it was.
Local knowledge enabled me to reach the conclusion that everything was okay.
Local knowledge.
Hey up...
an oasis.
Why not? We've been working like camels.
Well, you push it in, I'll follow along behind. Give us a push.
Tha legs are more like a camel's than ours.
Hey, you can't park that there! You're not turning my car park into a graveyard for old junk!
You want us to bring it inside? Take it round the back.
Chuff me! Everywhere else it's the age of the satellite. An' I'm still getting mangles!
Have you had an accident with that Mini?
Sit thee down, Eli. I've no confidence in those Minis. Nobody hurt, I hope?
Hernia. Gallopin' hernia. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
Don't look at me. It's him!
Has HE got one as well?
Don't concern yourself, Eli. We're all in reasonable condition,
considering we've just been thoroughly mangled.
There's some bigger hills still to climb.
We'll do what Englishmen always do in a crisis. What's that?
Forget it and go home.
We can't! I'm doin' this for Nora Batty!
Don't worry. We won't abandon you, little twotty pot.
But we need to give this some thought.
Who's driven you up here, Eli? Our Frank. Good old Frank.
Good old Frank. Good old Frank. Here's to Frankie.
To Frankie. Good old Frank.
You see? These things can be arranged.
I hope we won't end up mangled. How many people get the chance to ride a mangle?
I should've had more sense than to leave it to that lot. But you get desperate.
Don't concern yourself. Barry will drive us, won't you?
I said Barry will drive us, won't you?
Barry!
What?
Are they alright?
Eli! Eli!
Aye, they're fine.
Absolutely fine.
Barry, you're unbearable. It's rude to ignore people.
I just don't realise they're there!
Well, it's rude not to realise that.
People get funny ideas from books.
It's not THAT kind. I wish you'd stop reading. Your Uncle Seymour reads.
Seymour's one of the cultivated classes.
Who's this fool, comin' at us?
What're you doin' on the grass verge, Barry?
Avoiding this flying mangle!
Why are they playin' with my mangle?
Oh...ah...oh...
Come on, get up!
Aaagh...
Was that our Seymour?
Well, it's not just somebody with his tie in the mangle. Let's get out of here.
Subtitles by Wilma Campbell BBC - 1989