Oh, boy!
My first party ever...
and it's the best party
in the world!
This jackfest?
But this is
the "peace feast," celebrating
the end of hostilities
between Titan and Mars!
It's the most important
social event of...
step aside, talking brochure.
Just looking for
a cocktail waitress.
And by cock I mean mine,
and by "tail" I mean hers.
Would you like a mojito?
Great.
Whoa whoa, whoa whoa!
I didn't say leave.
That Gibbs fellow
gives me the hives.
What is he planning?
Yes, well at least
he has a plan,
which is more than I can say
for Titan Force Five.
Don't worry!
Let's just say a little bird
told me that Titan Force Five
has everything under control!
Wink.
Winking.
Wink.
And for you.
Oh, look, that little boy
from the make-a-wish foundation
thinks he's one of us!
How cute!
So I told the duchess,
"forget the soup spoon.
You could use a good forking."
Your boy's quite a celebrity,
Hammerschmiddtt.
He flies combat fighters like
Chuck Yeager with bees
on his balls... and having
the Hammerschmiddtt good looks
doesn't hurt him any.
Good looks must skip
a generation.
You should meet him, now that
he's not blowing up your
warships for a living.
Troy!
Meet Admiral Bitchface.
Sir.
The heir to Hammerschmiddtt
motors! I'm honored.
Oh, no.
My son is a crack pilot,
but he has the business acumen
of a squirrel.
That's why my daughter
Tiffany will be taking over.
Enjoy sitting at a desk
the rest of your life, sis!
I'll be too busy
french kissing...
adventure itself!
Good thing you've gotten
plenty of practice...
french kissing your dad's
butthole.
Sasha Caylo.
Troy Hamburgerschmiddtt.
Still flying around in that
tap dancing rust bucket?
Still using dandruff shampoo
on your scrote?
If you'll excuse me.
This is my song.
Oh, yeah... it's my song too!
Ooh! Ooh!
This is the way
you work a room, Sasha!
Go Sasha!
Your eyes are on my ass!
Your eyes are on my face!
Ooh ooh!
I don't approve
of that.
Oh my God!
Is Titan Force Five really here?
Well, a little bird told...
make your bird say where
Palmer is!
Haha, ladies.
You know, this doesn't
come naturally.
It takes thousands
of butterfly presses
for pec control like this!
Who's next?
Move!
Enjoy the spotlight while you
can, Hummersplirt.
When I catch Gibbs,
you'll be yesterday's fishwrap.
Catch him?
He's kicking your ass so bad,
the only way you'll catch him
is if he literally gets
his foot caught in your rectum.
Is that your nose hair
or have you been snorting pubes?
Oh!
And let me tell you, VD
spreads fast on a submarine...
cocktail wiener?
Um, no thanks...
Oh!
Perhaps you'd like a...
whore d'oeuvre?
Uh, what the hell did you
just say to my daughter?
Your daughter?
Well, I think its safe to say
Sasha belongs to the people.
At least the fun parts.
Uh, we've got a faulty
service robot up here...
Ow!
Gibbs!
What the hell do you want?
I'm here to salute you,
Admiral!
A-bam!
You can't beat four aces.
Dammit, Gibbs...!
Lookin' good, Jojo!
You got any fries
to go with that shake?
What shake?
This one.
Aw, certain doom sure does
suck, doesn't it?
It does!
It does suck!
You have one chance to avoid
agonizing death and
dismemberment,
but you'll have to listen to
every word...
looks like it's Gibbs zero,
Titan Force... Five.
Congratulations, dip shit.
He's killed us all.
We've been torn away from
the docking structure!
There's no escape!
So let me get this straight,
you all choose death?
Weird.
Just tell us what you want.
Okay.
You remember as a kid,
Christmas morning, how you'd get
some super-awesome toy?
You'd be dying to play with it
but Santa forgot to give you
double-A batteries?
Oh, I hated that!
Well, that is how I feel
right now!
Because I've got a new toy,
and it is the coolest!
I've just stolen a cubic ton
of hyper-atomic martian fuel!
That's a Hammerschmiddtt
product, Gibbs.
The fuel's inactive without
a molecular trigger-code.
In other words,
my double-A batteries.
So here's my proposal...
and there's
my counterproposal.
Zing!
My proposal is...
denied.
My propos...
foot got your tongue?
It's a play on words.
Dammit, Palmer!
Give me the codes or die!
Jeez!
Here's a toast...
to your face!
Mars doesn't negotiate
with terrorists!
Oh, okay.
Well, I guess I lose, then.
Oh, wait!
You've all got about, oh,
five minutes
before you're sucking down
a lava slurpee.
Oh, my goodness!
Codes or death, people.
My God, man, where do you
store your nukes, in a pagoda
guarded by stuffed animals?
Oh, are we sharing
a blame pizza?
There's enough slices for
everyone, considering Gibbs
is your rogue agent!
Gentlemen, gentlemen...
fine, fine, just relax,
I've got the codes right here.
Prime Minister, no!
We're Martians, sir!
We'll die before we bend over
for some terrorist rump-pumping!
Troy and his boyfriend make
a good point, but you're
forgetting one thing...
Titan Force Five kicks ass!
Oh no.
This one's personal, team!
I am the sworn enemy
of all crabs!
Here, here!
You two are...
ridiculous.
Wait!
I can't get a lock!
This thing has no crotch!
Repeat!
This thing has no crotch!
Abort mission!
Hope your balls like
the taste of lava.
Say, are you sure we don't
deal with terrorists?
It's in our constitution.
In some obscure subsection,
or...?
In the first paragraph.
Well, fuck.
Why don't they just form
Titan Maximum?
Because, kids, they're led
by an egomaniacal troglodyte
who will let you all die
in a fiery hell before he shares
even one iota of glory.
Titan Force Five is a team,
Gibbs.
And they'll beat you as a team.
Make way for
the awesome train!
Chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-
awesooommmme!
Palmer!
His armor is too strong!
Palmer!
Dammit, people!
Start acting like a team!
As a team, I think
that we should form...
my idea first!
Ooh! They're forming
Titan Maximum!
It's breathtaking!
I guess we'll all just take
your word for it, then.
Attention crab!
Put down the convention center!
Oh, you son of a bitch!
You're about to get punched
the fuck out!
I... l'm blind!
My God, it took my eyes!
It overloaded our visual
systems!
I'm recalibrating the main...
"Eh-beh-beh-beh!"
God, I wish the crab had taken
my ears.
Oh, my goodness!
We're doomed!
Woulda been nice to see.
Okay, let's re-evaluate here.
You're out of heroes,
out of time,
and generally boned.
So, who votes
for giving me the codes?
Sorry, old boy.
Not happening.
Some things are worth
dying for.
I'll take that gallon of
molten magma up my anus!
Now! Please.
You have your answer, Gibbs.
And I hope you heard it
loud and clear.
Gibbs?
Prime Minister!
Five... ten...
and then a slash.
It might be a backslash.
If one doesn't work,
try the other.
Prime Minister, no!
What? We voted!
Show of hands.
It was this or the volcano,
you fool!
Eew, yeah. About that.
It's actually gonna be this
and the volcano, I'm afraid.
So...
double-cross!
Enjoy!
Systems back online!
It was a one-in-a-million
chance, but I managed to...
can we just wrap this up?
We're talking buttcrack sweat at
rainforest magnitude, people!
Push!
Push as if saving the day
and rubbing it in Troy
Hammerschmiddtt's ugly-ass face
and lording it over him for
the rest of his worthless life
depended on it!
Titan Maximum just might...
Push!
Puush!
Brilliant, Troy!
Hey, it's what
Hammerschmiddtts do.
Push!
Uhh...
nothing's pushing back.
Did we do that?
Noooooooooooooooooo!
Troy! Troy! Troy!
Me! Me! Me! Me!
Alright, team effort, right?
Let Mars get in on the act,
y'know, spirit
of the peace feast and all.
Dumb bastard.
After you belly-flopped
into the volcano like a drunk
frat boy, the Prime Minister
gave up the codes.
Thank God the Hammerschmiddtt
kid stepped up.
Time for a career change,
Caylo!
Fighting evil...
not so much your thing!
But we won!
Not him!
Us! Me!
Virtue is its own reward,
Sasha.
Ow!
Ooh, ooh, excuse me.
A little bird tol' me that
you are Titan Maximum.
Oh, did he?
Well that little bird told me...
you're so hot...
and sexy.
Ooh, and you're a good kisser.
This is the greatest night
of my life!
Timmy!
Good God, what have they done
to my sweet, transsexual Timmy?